A sense of agency, sometimes known as self-agency, is the feeling of control that you get over your actions and their consequences. When you complete an action voluntarily, you tend to feel as though you are in charge; the action isn’t just happening to you – you chose to do it. Someone with a strong sense of agency knows that they can influence the people and objects in their environment to get the kind of reaction that they want – for example, when a little boy uses his favorite action figure to knock down some Lego buildings, he knows the cause and effect of his actions. Essentially, having a sense of agency means that you feel like you’re in the driving seat when it comes to your choices and actions.

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On the contrary, someone with a poor sense of agency might believe that they are powerless in their world – they think that things just happen to them and they have no control over it. They feel 'powerless' and helpful, and that world is happening to them. Leading to 'maladaptive protective' and 'getting' behaviors to get 'bread crumbs' of control and attention, as illustrated in the Dreaded Drama Triangle. 

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For example, think of a voodoo doll; someone else is inflicting pinpricks on the doll and putting it in all sorts of predicaments. It has no control over what is happening to it. Someone with a poor sense of agency might see themselves as similar to the voodoo doll. They feel like they have little to no control over their environment and other people’s actions in it.

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As a child, someone with an anxious attachment might have felt like they exerted very little control over their caregiver’s actions, so they tried to act out in attention-seeking ways to get a consistent reaction regarding
their needs. As an adult, anxious attachers often spend much of their thinking and time aiming to 'get and please' their loved ones and 'protect' from rejection, that they end up self-sacrificing to the extent that they lose their sense of agency.

Therefore, as an anxious attacher, you might feel like the world is happening to you rather than you’re having an impact on it. Thus, in order to live a fulfilled life and have happy relationships, you may need to improve your sense of agency.

Some of the following self-development techniques may help you to build your sense of agency: 

• Choose your company carefully. It is important to acknowledge that the people we choose to let in our lives often affects how we feel about ourselves and the activities we engage in. Ask yourself whether the people
  that you associate with consider you or whether you go along with activities that are contrary to your values. This goes for romantic relationships too.

• Discerning boundaries and self-protection. Realize not everyone has the capacity to truly connect with others (see, heard and value) in a way that will feel fulfilling and safe (remember only half the population has secure relating capacity and skills). Thus, ensuring you are discerning with your expectations and boundaries (sharing your time, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc.) is essential for self-protection, self-trust and self-care.

• Be curious about your world. Never stop learning about everything that life has to offer - people with a strong sense of agency are eager to learn and expand upon who they are. To see yourself as a learner, no matter what age you are, opens up doors to different elements of your world.

• Act on your decisions. We’re all guilty of saying we’ll do something and not following through. Still, people with a low sense of agency are particularly prone to procrastinating, obsessing over the small details, or ruminating about the possibility of making mistakes. Remember that you don’t have to be 100% sure about something to move forward with it – having a strong sense of agency means taking responsibility for your life, including the mistakes that you make. If you try to wait until you’re 100%, then you’ll never make any important decisions.

• Connect with your feelings. Truly process your emotions with emotional literacy and descifering the language of emotions. Emotion is information. Under every emotion is your genuine want, need or need limit (boundaries). Connect with your authenticity and include that information in your choices, along with critical thinking and safety.

• Tap into your present moment 'gut feelings' is about tapping into your genuine desires, hopes, dreams and passions! This part of you is not going to make logical, strategic decisions, however it's essential for your authenticity and to boost to your curiosity, motivation, confidence and creativity... and healthy dopamine! To start tapping into your gut feeling, just try slowing down, take deep breaths, and check-in with how you feel rather than making snap decisions. You actually have more than one type of gut feeling; strategic intuition is a more “intentional” form of gut thinking which can help you find solutions to more significant problems. 

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