MINDFUL SELF-COMPASSION (msc)
MSC partners with Compassion-focused Therapy (CFT), and is an action-oriented, skills-building method for well-being. It is an evidence-based practice that increases motivation, goal-achievement, self-kindness, emotional health, and authentic, connected relationships.
Hundreds of studies prove that when you’re caught up in self-criticism or overly indulgence you’re likely more stressed, less likely to see clearly, more apt to fail, have increased patterns of anxiety, depression and relationship distress.
self-compassion is balance
It takes courage to change how you treat yourself. Why? When practicing Self-compassion, you come head-to-head with rigid false beliefs and daunting maladaptive protective strategies, like the Inner Critic.
The following summarizes patterns of Self-Indulgence, Self-Criticism and balanced Self-Compassion.
Without a foundation of compassionate self-care (Self-Compassion) we tend to get stuck in Self-Indulgence or Self-Criticism - and can swing from one extreme to the other subconsciously.
freedom & empowerment
We learn to be passive or berating towards ourselves by internalizing how we were treated growing-up. This forms our programming - whether we like it or not. The good news is, you have all the power in the world to free yourself from chains of your old programming and chose how to treat yourself today and from now on.
“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.”
Kristin Neff, PhD
pity vs compassion
Many people fear self-compassion is just a form of self-pity. In fact, self-compassion is an antidote to self-pity!
Self-pity is isolating and results in feelings like "Why me?" and "Poor me.”
Self-compassion recognizes that life is hard for everyone, yet we can persevere through suffering. It says "I Can!"
Research shows that veterans, who strengthened their ability to be kind to themselves with Mindful Self-Compassion have exceptionally higher rates of recovery, for conditions such as PTSD, addictions and other dysfunctions. https://self-compassion.org/the-research/
3 main benefits of msc
makes us happy
Activates the pleasure centers in our brain, including oxytocin production
makes us attractive
A kind heart, and self-compassion radiates attractive qualities
REWIRES OUR BRAIN
Self-compassion becomes our new programming, with time and practice
Qualities of compassion are patience and wisdom; kindness and perseverance; forgiveness, empathy, warmth and resolve. These are qualities that result in Self Leadership, calm and, thus, access to our creative, higher intelligence. Self-compassion is a powerful, sustainable fuel source for well-being and overall success.
what if i get lazy?
A huge misconception in our society is if you aren’t hard on yourself, you won’t succeed and you’ll get lazy or weak. “I berated myself to get stuff done. How else would I prove I was smart or worthy enough to be valued or loved?”
Our brain interprets harsh inner criticism (Inner Critic) the same way it does an external threat - triggering the fight-or-flight, stress-response system. And inhibiting access to your higher creativity and executive functioning. You may be so used to berating yourself that you're unaware of it.
BERATING DOESN'T WORK LONG-TERM
Self-criticism is quicksand. It may look like a sandy short-cut to success by giving you a quick jolt of action, but long-term it slows you down, disengages you from self-care, and undermines long-term performance. Over time, this elevated stress wears on you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Repressed Emotions and Shame
Fogginess/Confusion/Lack of Purpose
All or Nothing Thinking
Lack of Goal Attainment
Emotions Consume or Overwhelm You
Capacity to Self-sooth
Accept Emotions and Forgive
Sense of Belonging & Connection
Real Loving Relationships
Clarity and Sense of Purpose
Emotions Inform and Motivate You
MINDFULNESS VS. MINDFUL SELF-COMPASSION
Mindfulness focuses primarily on acceptance of experience itself.
Self-compassion focuses more on caring for the experiencer (you).
Mindfulness asks, “What am I experiencing right now?”
Self-compassion asks, “What do I need right now?”
Mindfulness says, “Feel your suffering with spacious awareness.”
Self-compassion says, “Be kind to yourself when you suffer.”
3 key elements of msc
I’m not Alone
Suffering is Part of Being Human
Nurturance, Self-care, Balanced Discipline
(Not passive or punishing)
“The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.”
Kristin Neff, PhD