There are about 10 to 20 unprocessed memories that are responsible for most of the pain and suffering in our lives. These memories contain the emotions, perceptions and sensations you experienced at the time of the event.
Francine Shapiro, PhD
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy facilitates the accessing and processing of traumatic memories and other adverse life experience to bring these to an adaptive resolution.
After successful treatment, distress is relieved, negative beliefs are reformulated, and current day physiological symptoms such as anxiety, panic and other triggered emotions are reduced or completely resolved. I utilize Neurotek tactile bilateral stimulation pulsars for EMDR treatment.
Changing memories that form the way we see ourselves also changes the way we view others. Therefore, our relationships, job performance, what we are willing to do or are able to resist, all move in a positive direction.
Francine Shapiro, PhD
Emotional processing is #1 for nervous system regulation and mental, emotional and relational health
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Unprocessed emotions and insecurities
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Unprocessed core beliefs about ourselves and others
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Leads to chronic nervous system activation and...
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Maladaptive coping: Four F's for temporary relief
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Only to feel painfully powerless, stuck in the blame-or-shame Trauma Triangle, grappling for a sense of power, only to end up more powerless
We need emotional processing and secure relating skills... to prevent the cycle from continuing...
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The 'Ripple Effect' is how processing one memory will have a healing effect on all other experiences within that type of experience. For instance, processing a memory of rejection allows for healing all experiences of feeling rejected.
What is Complex Trauma?
IDENTIFY ATTACHMENT-BASED TRAUMA AND MEMORIES
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Trauma that is developmental or interpersonal.
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Impacts our core self-worth.
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Attachment trauma by parent or caregiver results in 'not trusting'self or others.
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It feels not safe to feel safe.
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It feels not safe to feel lovable (the hope/wish to be loved is too painful due to repeated disappointment and/or rejection).
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Longing to not be alone, yet fearful of attaching.
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Results in high anxiety, shame, triggers and depression, reactivity and lack of comfortability in relationships.
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Insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant or disorganized
Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an
empathetic witness.
Peter Levine, PhD
Self-Leadership 'Wise Mind' Over Feelings, Thoughts and Beliefs
Much like our digestive process, ALL of our emotions are our own — even if influenced or triggered from an event or person! No one can make you digest food or not. No one can make you feel a certain emotion or not. Realistically and scientifically, we have 100% responsibility (power) to understand (assess genuine wants and needs) and process (metabolize) our own emotions.
Wise Mind and Emotional Health Skills
Simply put, Wise Mind is your ability to take 100% responsibility for ALL of your emotions, in order to...
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Connect with, oversee and guide thoughts and emotions
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Untangle thoughts from emotions (tangled together, thoughts and emotions can cause havoc, anxiety, confusion, chronic stress, depression and 'stuckness')
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Process emotions and understand your wants and authenticity
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Connect with you actual Self
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Calm your nervous system
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Remain out of the Drama Trauma Triangle
Without Wise Mind
Without Wise Mind, disconnected from bodily feelings, or trying to 'push down' 'avoid' 'think' 'change' 'gaslight yourself' or 'judge' your way through them, leaves you susceptible to:
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Undisciplined thoughts and emotions
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Outer Child (reactivity) or depression.
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"Amygdala Hijack"
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Maladaptive reactions (fight-flight-fawn-freeze)
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Reactions can occur in seconds, seems AUTOMATIC
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Fogged prefrontal cortex (attention)
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Chronic stress (adrenalin and cortisol)
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Behavioral and mood disorders
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Chronic inflammation, medical conditions
Results of complex trauma are difficulty processing emotion and having stable relationships. These symptoms are addressed in EMDR. When the client experiences what has been missing in the present moment, it activates the sadness, grieving and healing of finally having the longing need for care and compassion met.
Deborah Kennard, PhD
Wise Mind for Inner Child & Outer Child
Outer Child
Reactivity
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Lizard brain (fight, flight, freeze)
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Reactive, not authentically you
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Causes havoc on our lives
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Maladaptively trying to avoid feelings
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Over-expressing (fight)
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Depressing your emotions (freeze)
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Avoiding to 'flee' emotions (flight)
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Causing more anxiety, OCD, ADHD, addictions, depression, etc.
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Dysfunctional relating patterns
Wise Mind
Your Balance
Oversees Thoughts & Emotions
Guides, Reasonable, Logical
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Observes thoughts and emotions
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Gives you power to understand and process EVERY emotional experience
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Self-Leadership, Self-Compassion
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Self-Discipline, Self-Secure, Self-Care
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Discover the purpose of each emotion, your genuine wants, needed limits (boundaries), etc.
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Also known as 'The Observing Self' in many therapy modalities
Inner Child
Emotional Mind
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Mammalian brain
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Authentic, genuinely "You"
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Doesn't go away when we turn 18
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We never 'grow-out' out of emotions
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No right or wrong way to feel
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"Inner Child" emotions: spontaneous, imaginative, messy, erratic, needy, temper anger, playful, etc.
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"Inner Teen" emotions: like desire, urge to rebel, rage, etc.
Outer Child
Inner Child
Inner Child
Disturbing experiences become stored in a different way than other experiences. They're stored discombobulated in the nervous system with all aspects of the original experience. Present events trigger the dysfunctionally stored memory and emotional activation, resulting in an overreaction.
The goal of Self-Compassion practice is to become a compassionate mess. All of our issues - like entitlement, anger, and self-loathing will be there, but can we hold them with compassion so we're not overwhelmed by them.
Kristin Neff, PhD
Emotions are Neurochemicals and Hormones
HAPPY / CALM IS FULL BODY
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Happy is a full-body state of calm
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We are meant to be calm, safe and with a 'Sense of Belonging' unless there is an immediate threat to our safety or connection needs
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Sometimes in order to be calm and happy, we need to 'feel through' (process) our PROTECTIVE EMOTIONS.
PROTECTIVE EMOTIONS
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ANGER: blame, resentment, etc. (purpose: protection, boundaries, values)
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SAD: hurt, disappointment, etc. (purpose: healing, releasing, rejuvenation)
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FEAR: worry, jealousy, anxiety, etc. (purpose: future-focus, safety, planning)
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SHAME: self-blame, regrets, should's, bad, etc. (purpose: belonging, moral compass)
ENERGIZING EMOTIONS
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INTEREST: curious, want, desire, valuing, etc.
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PASSION: motivated, creative, excited, etc.
Delivering the body from functioning as a storage room for suppressed emotions brings a sense of natural love and ease, a spaciousness, that we commonly call happiness.
Somesh Curti, PhD
Thoughts vs Emotions
Thoughts are Like a Map of a Town
Much like a map, thoughts stem from the past to help guide us
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Thoughts stem from our past or what we've learned from others
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Thoughts can be lessons-learned and future what-if's and planning
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Much of what we say we feel, are really thoughts/beliefs. "I feel you're unfair." "I feel stupid." "You hurt my feelings." These are thoughts/beliefs!
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Indirect, not the true essence of who we are in present moment
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Not always rational nor factual
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Although thoughts are, of course, incredibly useful!
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Can tell you your core beliefs
Emotions are Being in the Town Real Time
If you want to know how you feel, how do you feel about it right now?
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Direct links to your present, authenticity
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Neurochemicals and hormones felt physiologically throughout the body
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Based on real or perceived events, thoughts or beliefs
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Can trigger and entangle with thoughts/beliefs, leading to opinions, beliefs, perceptions, based on past experiences (this has pros and cons)
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Inform you, "inner compass" of genuine wants, values, needed limits (boundaries)
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Just as hunger motivates to find food, emotions motivate for other needs, like safety and connection
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Fuel, ignite blood flow, vigilance, attention, and other physiological reactions to flee from danger, accomplish tasks, align with values, connect with loved-ones
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ALWAYS 'on' even though subtle at times
Nobody is responsible for your own sadness except for you. Nobody is responsible for your fear except you. You are the only person responsible for any and all of your emotions... positive, negative, and everything in between.
Chris Cade
Nervous System Chart
Learn more about the Emotional Nervous System with Polyvagal Therapy and Nervous System Science for a more thorough understanding of Emotional and Mental Health and Self-Leadership Skills.
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Attend to depression in a grounded, empathetic way. It can stand up for your lost dreams and clear everything inside that threatens those dreams. In essence, giving you a new life.
Karla McLaren, MEd
Emotion Videos
If we don't unpack shame, we cannot reach our core of worthiness and self-love. Things like positive affirmations are useful but they are temporary support to balance negative judgments, like painkillers to diminish the pain temporarily without addressing the cause - in this case, suppressed shame.
Somesh Curti, PhD
Worksheets and Practices
EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS
PROCESSING EMOTIONS
We can't just choose to be happy, but we can choose to be kind ourselves when we're sad. Pain passes more quickly when we don't berate ourselves for feeling.
Lori Deschene
Chronic Nervous System Activation Stress and Maladaptive Coping
Nervous System Informed IFS Therapy
Learn how to get unstuck from automatic reactions and behaviors, activated and triggered emotions, automatic assumptions, insecurities, thoughts and limiting beliefs and relational patterns that impact your nervous system, both causes and effects.
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Neurochemicals and Symptoms
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Core Beliefs and Trauma Triangle Patterns
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Maladaptive Reactions Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn
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Secure Sense of Self vs Insecurities
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Secure Attachment vs Insecure Attachment
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When repeatedly criticized, ignored or traumatized in childhood, we learn to survive by over-relying on the use of one or two of the 4F's. This severely impairs our ability to relax into an undefended state, circumscribing us to a very narrow, impoverished experience of life.