WHY SELF LEADERSHIP?
EVIDENCE-BASED METHODS
Creating Self Leadership integrates many evidence-based therapy modalities and into one, making them tangible in step-by-step practices. The main methods are IFS, Parts Work, DBT (Wise Mind and Emotional Regulation), CFT, ACT, Somatic Experiencing and Polyvagal, Neurosensory practices for Nervous System Health.
STRONGER WISE MIND
Self Leadership involves your ability and responsibility to be in Wise Mind so you can observe, process and guide your beliefs, behaviors, emotions, inner criticism and other parts of your inner world. With time and practice you upgrade your Nervous System health, build a stronger Soothing System, and gain the power to discover your real wants, needs and boundaries, choose responses rather than react, clearly communicate, navigate the big stuff, heal from hardships, breakthrough addiction and codependency, realize self-worth, create wholehearted relationships and more.
CREATING SELF LEADERSHIP
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SELF WORK
PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
VALUES AND PURPOSE
Where have I been?
What do I value? Where do I want to go?
Are you aware of your genuine, personal values? If we aren't living in alignment with our values, we suffer with confusion, shame, anxiety, regret, even depression. With Self Leadership, you discover and prioritize your values and live closely aligned with them. It is the pursuit of happiness that gives us purpose and joy. Pursuits need to align with personal values and desires. Connecting with your desires on a daily basis ensures purposeful direction. If you don't know your true desires, you are literally living aimless.
Main Practices
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
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Cleanse regrets, doubts and if-only's
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Align Drive System with your values and purpose
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Daily intentional desire for 'feel good' neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin
SELF LEADERSHIP EMPOWERS YOU TO MINDFULLY BRING THE THREE SYSTEMS INTO BALANCE
OVERACTIVE THREAT, UNALIGNED DRIVE and UNDERDEVELOPED SOOTHING
Nowadays, most of us have an over-activated Threat System and an Unaligned Drive System (without purposeful, personal value-aligned, direction) so we end up with an UNDERDEVELOPED SOOTHING SYSTEM much like an atrophied muscle which results in chronic nervous system activation stress, anxiety, ADHD, self-berating, depression, a sense of running on empty and detrimental health impacts to our mental, physical, emotional and relational health. This Values and Purpose course helps us connect within and understand our genuine values, desires and aspirations so we can live more aligned with our authenticity.
CHRONIC STRESS AND SHAME
CONNECTION NEEDS
How am I fulfilling my connection needs?
How do I need to fulfill my connection needs?
Many of us are trying to heal and feel better without FIRST taking care of our connection needs. Much like we need food to survive (we're painfully hungry without it) we need connection, including a sense of purpose, inspiration, value and belonging. Unmet connection needs result in chronic nervous system activation and stress, including stress-related illnesses like inflammatory and autoimmune conditions, digestive ailments, heart disease and more. Emotionally we feel it in the form of loneliness, anxiety, insecurities, purposeless, low self-worth and shame-based depression.
Main Practices
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Explore the many layers of social connection needs
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Ensure you are getting your daily allowance
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Learn how to feel and sense emotional connection
FOUR STRESS REACTION TYPES
TRIGGERS AND REACTIVITY
How am I reacting?
How do I want to respond?
Identify where you are stuck on "autopilot" repeating maladaptive behaviors. Get to know these "parts" of yourself with curiosity and the Intent to Learn. Discover how to ideally respond to triggers rather than react. With the power of Parts Work Therapy, you have the power to give each maladaptive part a new job that is ideal, rational, aligned with your values and working for you instead of against you.
Main Practices
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
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Cleanse regrets and if-only's
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Realize and align with personal values
EMOTIONAL PROCESS AND BALANCE
SELF-CARE AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH
How and why am I feeling this way?
How can I feel the way I want to feel?
Experience the profound benefits of processing emotions like anger and anxiety, instead of self-medicating, depressing, getting overwhelmed or maladaptively reacting to them. Incorporate evidence-based, action-oriented practices for balanced self-discipline, not berating or permissive, to relax, heal, alleviate anxiety, increase motivation, oxytocin production, goal-achievement and connected relationships.
Main Practices
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Resolve Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
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Process even the most painful emotions, including emotional flashbacks
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Learn R.A.I.N. and F.L.O.W., step-by-step processes
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Evidence-based, actualized self-love practices
FOUR STRESS REACTION TYPES
INNER CRITIC AND SHAME DETOX
What are my beliefs?
What is true and what do I want to believe?
Gaining awareness of your self-talk and the "story" you are telling yourself is profound and transformational work. Learn to mentor your own inner critical thoughts with Wise Mind. Without awareness Inner Critic triggers shame and stress hormones as if you are facing a real-life threat. Over time, without guidance Inner Critic can cause anxiety disorders, shame attacks, reactivity, self-hate, self-sabotaging, depression, substance-use disorders and negatively impact every aspect of your life.
Main Practices
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Identify your Inner Critic Type
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Face your 'demons' and detox shame-based beliefs
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Practice Self-Leadership over Inner Critic
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Resolve inner and outer reactive patterns
EMOTIONAL PROCESS AND BALANCE
INNER CHILD CONNECTING
How am I treating my innermost self?
How do I need to treat my innermost self?
​Heal trauma and Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) by gently processing in the present through guided journal practices. Inspired by Inner Bonding®, a proven healing process originated by Dr. Margaret Paul, and Separation Therapy which is based on decades of clinical evidence. Inner Connecting succeeds in bypassing subconscious gatekeepers and turns self-connection into a tangible activity rather than an abstraction.
Main Practices
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Deep healing for childhood and teen complex trauma
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Resolve addictions and self-loathing
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Rapid way to process anxiety, anguish, shame and anger
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Discover your values, wants, needs and purpose
RESPONSIBILITY AND EXPECTATIONS
BOUNDARIES, NEEDS AND WANTS
How am I protecting my needs and wants?
How can I protect my needs and wants?
We need to take 100% responsibility (power) for processing knowing our real needs, expectations, wants and limits (NEWL). This does not mean we rush to meet our wants with instant gratification. It means we need to be aware and open to understanding our needs and wants, rather than shaming, numbing, depressing or reacting to them. Essential for self-trust and for realizing your needs, wants and limits. Creates safe, fulfilling relationships. Prevents resentment, burn-out and narcissistic / codependent dynamics.
Main Practices
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Essential for "Sense of Self"
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Create safe, fulfilling relationships
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Self-care and self-discipline
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Essential to prevent resentment, burn-out, toxic stress
FORTHRIGHT, UNARGUABLE TRUTH
COMMUNICATION POWER TOOLS
How and why am I feeling this way?
How can I feel the way I want to feel?
We need to take 100% responsibility (power) for processing knowing our real needs, expectations, wants and limits (NEWL). This does not mean we rush to meet our wants with instant gratification. It means we need to be aware and open to understanding our needs and wants, rather than shaming, numbing, depressing or reacting to them. Essential for self-trust and for realizing your needs, wants and limits. Creates safe, fulfilling relationships. Prevents resentment, burn-out and narcissistic / codependent dynamics.
Main Practices
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You'll wonder how you lived life without this knowledge!
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Navigate conflict with ease
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Speak your Unarguable Truth
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Feel self-respect and empowered
INSECURITIES, NEEDINESS, VULNERABILITY
YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE
How am I loving and receiving?
How do I need and want to love and receive?
Are you repeating hurts and patterns with family, friends and even your partner? It's possible you've inherited a relationship template and operating system from childhood that's proving unreliable and outdated. Attachment injuries, despite your best intentions, are hijacking how you pick partners and manage intimacy today. This old operating system has a name. It's called insecure attachment and Learn to enjoy a sense of comfort and safety in relationship, as you prioritize your needs, values and boundaries.
Main Practices
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Learn about attachment styles
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Overcome insecurities and anxiety
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Create reciprocity and trust
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Learn to give and receive in a balanced way
FORTHRIGHT, UNARGUABLE TRUTH
EMPOWERING NEUROSENSORY SCIENCE
What are my sensory sensitivities and gifts?
How can I balance my sensory experiences?
Understand vital nervous system science and how neurosensory exercises spark up your vagus nerve for calm and focus. Alleviate anxiety and the effects of chronic stress like inflammation. Discover the difference between sensory and emotional experiences and the mind-body-environment connection. Discover your super sensory needs or sensitivities, especially if you are highly empathic, tactile, hypervigilant, OCD, AD(H)D or analytical. Learn how to activate your energy for motivation or calm yourself to quite literally walk yourself through any painful emotion and complex-PTSD flashback.
Main Practices
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Somatic Grounding Exercises
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Mindful Self-Compassion Practices
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Neurosensory Exercises for Vagus Nerve Conditioning
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Breathing and Movement Exercises
CREATING SELF LEADERSHIP
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IN RELATIONSHIP
LEVEL
1
DeStress to Connect
We cannot feel connection and the resulting "feel good" oxytocin bond if we're anxious, angry, triggered or in an activated nervous system state. We need to be present to connect.
LEVEL
2
Available to Connect
You may be 'emotionally unavailable' without knowing it due to an Anxious or Avoidant Attachment Style from childhood. This needs to be resolved to feel seen, heard, valued and loved.
LEVEL
3
Curious to Connect
Learn Intent to Learn (connected) with skills like Openhearted Listening vs Intent to Protect (disconnected) with maladaptive protective reactions, behaviors and patterns.
LEVEL
4
Need to Connect
Us humans need to feel connected, seen, heard and valued. Without it we have symptoms like anxiety and shame. Working with, not against, 'neediness' is absolutely empowering.
LEVEL
5
Responsibility to Connect
With 100% responsibility (power) for understanding our own emotions, wants, needs and limits so we can give and receive, stay out of the Drama Triangle and feel truly valued.
LEVEL
6
Space to Connect
Balance of closeness and space is essential for a fulfilling relationship. Space allows for self-care, personal interests, goal attainment and it creates attraction, respect and trust.
LEVEL
7
Respect to Connect
Learn what you need to feel respected, accepted and valued, which is imperative to feel trust and security in relationship. Also learn tools that work to provide respect.
LEVEL
8
Action to Connect
Love is a verb. We need to feel, see or hear it, like The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service, Touch, Affirming Words, Gifts and Quality Time. Take action to give and ask for your wants.
LEVEL
9
Boundaries to Connect
Boundaries are the space between that allow us to love, give and receive, to be two whole selves, empowered and responsible, instead of codependent, resentful, enmeshed.
LEVEL
10
Trust to Connect
Learning how to give the gift of trust and be trustworthy is imperative. In fact, trust and love produce the same neurochemicals and hormones. We can't have one without the other.
LEVEL
11
Accept to Connect
Feeling accepted is essential to feeling loved. Learn to identify unacceptable "parts" you don't like about your partner and work together with negotiation and solution tools.
LEVEL
12
Communicate to Connect
Studies show the #1 factor in secure relationships is the ability to know and clearly communicate genuine wants and needs! This provides the opportunity to care for and love.
BUILD SELF WORTH
Your Purpose, Connection Needs, Values, Desires and Direction