INNER CONNECTING
EMPOWERING JOURNALING
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Inspired by Inner Bonding®, a proven healing process originated by Dr. Margaret Paul, and Separation Therapy which is based on decades of clinical evidence. Inner Connecting succeeds in bypassing subconscious gatekeepers and turns self-connection into a tangible activity rather than an abstraction.
"Attend to past pains and process them here and now, a process worth years of therapy, in fact it enhances psychotherapy."
Susan Anderson on Separation Therapy
what is
INNER CONNECTING?
Inner Connecting is a tangible method to build self-awareness, make decisions, find direction and purpose, process emotions and heal past wounds by gently processing them in the present. Journaling with your Emotional Mind (Inner Child) uses COMPASSION and CURIOSITY to 'see,' understand and take action to guide your emotions.
SELF-CONNECTION
Think of Inner Connecting as a way to connect and guide all of your emotions and fears. We tend to naturally know how to connect and help children.
For example, if you had a little 5-year-old sister who's scared of a haunted house while trick-or-treating, you'd naturally (1) recognize she's scared, (2) allow and validate her feelings - you wouldn't shame her for being scared - and (3) take action to help her feel better by consoling her, like giving her a hug.
"Some issues take weeks or even months to resolve... yet with many
issues, you can resolve inner-conflict, painful feelings, and come to an ‘ah ha’ moment on the spot, within a minute or so."
Margaret Paul, PhD, Inner Bonding
what is
INNER CONNECTING?
HEAL & BREAKTHROUGH
Since our emotions and memories stem from the same part of the brain, Inner Connecting can also breakthough emotional flashback, PTSD, triggers, backdraft emotions, subconscious limiting beliefs, past wounds, and maladaptive protective strategies, lodged in the lower, 'emotional' areas of the mind.
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SELF LEADERSHIP & INNER CONNECTING
Without Self Leadership, we are influenced and controlled by this unconscious INNER CHILD. Like, a 5-year-old running around in a forty-year-old frame. Imagine a 5-year-old without love, guidance, and safety. An angry little girl calling the shots or an insecure teenager trying to have a healthy marriage.
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IDEAL DAILY PRACTICE
Inner Connecting is an ideal daily practice to build emotional health, reduce toxic stress, and create self-trust. It can be considered a Mindful Self-Compassion practice. The more you practice, the more you build new neural pathways and neuroplasticity for a stronger Soothing System, the part in the mind that allows for a calmer nervous system, higher oxytocin levels, a more loving relationship with yourself and others, and an overall sense of well-being.
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PROCESS PAINFUL EMOTIONS
Journal, as needed, when you are triggered, feeling overwhelmed, or want to resolve painful emotions.
USE FOR INSPIRATION AND CLARITY
Provides an opportune practice to tap into your authenticity, values, genuine feelings, needs, desires, playfulness, creative solutions, and so much more.
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PREVENT REACTIVITY
If we are not mindfully connected to our emotions, reactivity can quickly take over. Acting out neglected needs and feelings. Wise Mind is a dial-up connection compared to the lightening speed that links emotions with reactivity. Which is why having "mindfulness" is important. Inner Connecting is a tool to connect with your emotions on a daily basis.
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"For many, it is not an adult self directing their lives, but rather an emotionally wounded inner child inhabiting an adult body... a hurt, angry, fearful little boy or girl calling the shots."
Stephen Diamond, PhD
"Journaling makes it possible to bring yourself up all over again, quicker and better, to recover the joy and zest for life of the happy child, to acquire the competence and effectiveness of the mature adult."
Henry Elkin, PhD
inner child
EMOTIONAL MIND
INNER CHILD
Our Emotional Mind, INNER CHILD, doesn't go away when we turn 18. It never 'grows-up' or becomes rational. We don't 'grow-out' of emotions and memories. We do, however, need to consciously connect and guide our INNER CHILD with our intelligence and rational ADULT SELF.
ADULT SELF
This is why so many adults don't behave like adults at all. True 'adulthood' and maturity is acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for guiding one's own emotions, INNER CHILD. For many, this never happens. Society tells us to not have emotions (which is impossible) - so, INNER CHILD is neglected, shamed, suppressed. This results in reactivity, irrational behaviors, maladaptive stress-reactions, and dysfunctional relating.
"listen to INNER CHILD'S feelINGS AND needs here and now. The often frustrated primal needs of that inner child - love, acceptance, protection, nurturance, understanding - remain the same as when we were children."
Stephen Diamond, PhD
"Use your head, to connect with your heart, to understand your thoughts, to guide your actions.
what are
MALADAPTIVE PROTECTORS?
No one escapes childhood without forming some maladaptive ways of dealing with stress. Maladaptive protective strategies or PROTECTORS are formed when we're faced with the same stressors over and over, or when dealing with abuse, bullying, abandonment, emotional-neglect or trauma. PROTECTORS served us well in childhood because they helped us feel safe, accepted, valued, and even loved. Yet, these overly protective parts can cause havoc in adulthood. They're constantly 'on guard' and easily triggered - activating the stress-response system alarm within 100 milliseconds and catapulting you into reactivity.
6-year-old
INNER CRITIC PROTECTOR
If you learned to judge yourself harshly when you were six, due to a hyper-critical parent or sibling, you may be operating from a 6-year-old part of yourself when you are judging yourself. Tries to protect you from feeling painful shame, like failure, etc.
12-year-old
FOOD PROTECTOR
If you learned at age 12 that food helped numb painful emotions, it is likely your 12-year-old Protector is in charge when you are emotionally eating or binging. Tries to protect you from feeling painful anxiety, out-of-control, empty, etc.
17-year-old
DRINKING PROTECTOR
If you learned at 17 that alcohol helped you feel relaxed and confident, then it's your 17-year-old Protector that triggers you to drink when feeling anxious or unworthy. Tries to protect you from feeling rejected, like an outcast, social anxiety, etc.
"We did not come into this world loathing ourselves or wishing to numb our feelings. As small children, we operated from a place of wonder, curiosity, spontaneity and creativity."
Christopher Dines, Drug Addiction Recovery: The Mindful Way
"As long as my Wounded Self believed others' behavior toward me was my fault because I wasn't good enough, I'D believe if I changed, I could control how others treated me. Magically, when I accepted my lack of control over others' feelings and behavior, my shame disappeared."
Margaret Paul, PhD
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INNER CONNECTING
SIX STEPS FOR JOURNALING
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1
FEEL FEELINGS
Be willing to take caring, responsibility for your 'Inner Child' (emotions and needs). No matter how much pain Inner Child has, you promise to be kind and understanding, rather than abandoning or shaming.
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2
INTENt TO LEARN
There are only two possible intentions in any given moment, Intent to Learn (curious & caring) or Intent to Protect (defensive & judging). Also apply the 8 C's of Self-Leadership: Calm, Curiosity, Clarity, Compassion, Creativity, Confidence, Courage, and Connection.
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3
BEGIN DIALOGUE
Create a written dialogue with Inner Child. Inner Child may have 'temper-tantrum' anger, clingy neediness, loneliness, pouty resentment, and more. You may also identify and dialogue with wounded Protectors, like the Inner Critic (shame, self-berating, judging, etc.)
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4
WISE MIND
Connect and dialogue with your highest good, 'Wise Mind' (your values, wisdom, intelligence, genuine best of intentions). Wise Mind serves as a mentor, providing guidance, a wealth of information from past experiences, and creative solutions to complex issues.
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5
LOVING ACTION
Take compassionate and caring action that aligns with what you discover during the journal practice. This may entail setting boundaries, prioritizing issues, goal planning, or providing yourself with simple comforts.
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6
EVALUATE
Evaluate your actions and creative solutions to ensure you understand why you're feeling the way you are and connected with core needs.
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"Inner Child holds the key to emotional well-being, recovery from addictions, intimacy in relationships, creativity and wisdom."
Lucia Capacchione, PhD
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WORKSHEETS TO PRACTICE
INNER CHILD SAMPLE QUESTIONS TO GET STARTED
COMPLETE this worksheet before FULL PRACTICE
inner connecting
FULL PRACTICE
