INNER CRITIC WORK
(PARTS WORK)

Gaining awareness of your self-talk and the "story" you are telling yourself is complex and transformational work. As part of IFS Therapy and Parts Work, learn to mentor your own inner critical thoughts with Wise Mind.

OVERVIEW

Inner Critic Work (IFS Therapy and Parts Work)

We all have an Inner Critic, as part of our inner dialogue. It is fueled by social survival needs (as humans, we have connection needs, such as feeling a sense of belonging, purpose and value), childhood programming, core beliefs, failures, memories, and internalized expectations from culture, family and friends.

Inner Critic tends to:

Tell you right or wrong, good or bad
Have all-or-nothing beliefs
Judge and harshly compare you
Guilt-trip to say 'yes' when you mean 'no'
Make you a people-pleaser without boundaries
Trigger shame, anxiety and depression
Trigger imposter syndrome
Attack you, say your worthless, ugly, unlovable, etc.
Push you to be 'good,' 'right,' 'harmless,' 'perfect'
Prioritize others' approval and validation over your own (causing resentment towards yourself and others)

“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.”
Kristin Neff, PhD

INNER CRITIC'S PURPOSE

Hyper Focused on Ensuring You Feel a Sense of Belonging, Respect and Self-Worth

Inner Critic is always 'on' detecting and comparing you, even though silent at times. Although harsh, paradoxically, Inner Critic is trying to help you by:

Ensure you're seen, heard, valued and respected
Ensure you don't get 'kicked out of the village'
Focus on your 'worth' in the 'village'
Nowadays our 'village' is confusing so Inner Critic is confused
Confused Inner Critic is 'over-triggered' 'over-shaming' and 'over-berating'
Uses shame (most painful emotion), 'bad,' 'sinking' or 'self-hating' feeling
Berate and over-remind you of regrets, failures and imperfections in attempt to help you learn, do better and improve your 'sense of worth'

ADVERSE EXPERIENCES AND TODAY'S LACK OF 'VILLAGE'

The more stress or 'adverse experiences' we go through in childhood and adulthood (such as failures, heartbreak, abuse, sickness, loss, confusion, bullying, diagnosis like AD(H)D and depression, and other forms of complex trauma, the stronger our our Inner Critic tends to be.
Nowadays adverse experiences are more related to imposter syndrome, feeling 'not good enough' or like an outsider because we no longer live in villages or small communities where we feel known and valued.
Instead, our value can feel 'watered down' with millions of others.

"The critical voices in our own heads are far more vicious than what we might hear from the outside. Our 'inside critics' have intimate knowledge of us and can zero in on our weakest spots."
Susan Kennedy

INNER CRITIC WORK

Befriending Your Inner Critic with Wise Mind

Working with your Inner Critic, takes time. This is not something you will figure out in a day or a month.

Over time, slowly, with awareness, practice (and therapy support) you can experience Self-leadership (Wise Mind) with your Inner Critic, which can allow for the following benefits:

Breakthrough anxiety and certain types of depression
Gain Self-Leadership over your thoughts
Allow for calmer nervous system
Prevent resentment and reactivity
Process shame and painful emotions
Attain goals and aspirations
Live aligned with your values
Build your Soothing System (neuroplasticity)
Feel connected with the present moment
Maintain balanced boundaries
Enjoy more connected relationships
More inner calm and thus boosts oxytocin
Help resolve substance and process addictions
Build and maintain a sense of self-worth

We tend to believe Inner Critic, no matter how irrational and berating, because it's been a part of us for as long as we can remember, since about age seven.

SELF-LEADERSHIP OVER INNER CRITIC

WITH WISE MIND

AWARENESS AND GUIDANCE

WITHOUT WISE MIND

UNAWARENESS

"Self-criticism is a SURVIVAL behavior to ensure acceptance within the social group. Even though the alpha dog eats first, the dog that shows his belly when snarled at still gets his share. Self-criticism, a submissive behavior, IS ABASING ourselves before imaginary others—at if we will rewarded with a few crumbs from the table."
Kristin Neff, PhD

SELF-CRITICISM LEADS TO CHRONIC STRESS

Self-Criticism gives a quick energy boost to get to work, pay bills, not get in trouble, and do enough to get by. It's a stress response that motivates short-term survival. With Self-Leadership over Inner Critic, we can leverage its motivation for quick bursts to get sh*t done.

However, as a chronic stress response it is catastrophic. Without awareness, Self-Criticism wreaks havoc, as it:

Elevates stress chemicals (cortisol, adrenaline, etc.) that wear on you physically and hurt you emotionally.
Results in chronic stress, inflammation, disease, reduced immune function, chronic fatigue, digestive issues, high blood pressure, anxiety, exhaustion, feeling 'stuck,' and depression.
Sets you up for triggered reactions (four distress reaction types - fight, flight, freeze, fawn), angry outbursts and maladaptive coping behaviors, like binging and sabotaging.

"Your Inner Critic reaffirms untruths about yourself, that you have internalized to be true."
Athena Laz

SELF-LEADERSHIP OVER INNER CRITIC

WITH WISE MIND

AWARENESS AND GUIDANCE

With the ability to 'sit with' Inner Critic, you learn to C.A.T.C.H. its remarks with assertive acknowledgement and curiosity. This shifts emotional experience, allowing your nervous system to calm for clear thinking and planning and can bring balance to Inner Critical thoughts, beliefs and feelings.

WITHOUT WISE MIND

UNAWARENESS

Inner Critic can take over like a dictator, shaming and attacking you, perpetuating triggers, anxiety, panic and shame attacks, reactivity, submissive and sabotaging behaviors, relational dysfunction, binging and depression.

Activates nervous system (fight-flight-freeze)
Triggers stress hormones as if you are facing a real-life threat.
Can destroy your self-worth and negatively impact every aspect of your life.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate... it's that we are powerful.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so others won’t feel unsure around you."
Brene Brown, PhD

REBELLING AGAINST INNER CRITIC
'INNER ENABLER'

You may find yourself subconsciously rebelling against Inner Critic's incessant demands.

This rebelling is similar to how a teenager rails against a parent's rules and control.
This part of you rebels against Inner Critic, known as the Inner Rescuer or Inner Enabler.
Inner Enabler tries to protect you from Inner Critic's harsh, controlling, berating nature.
Can end up over-rescuing, resenting, reacting or shutting you down.
Can result in procrastination, over-indulgence, outer criticism, outbursts, addictions, maladaptive protective strategies and patterns of self-sabotaging, such as failed diets, splurges, and binging.

Inner Enabler is that subtle voice in your head that says things like:

"You've worked hard, you deserve a box of cookies."
"You're hurting. Do whatever you need to feel good."
"Who cares about goals. Stop being so strict on yourself. No one is going to care about you more or treat you any better anyways."

"Inside critics are really just trying to protect you. You can: Learn to dialogue with them; Give them new jobs; Turn them into allies."
Susan Kennedy

SELF-LEADERSHIP WITH SELF COMPASSION IS BALANCE
BALANCE INNER CRITIC

Without a foundation of Mindful Self-Compassion we tend to get stuck in Self-Permissive (Inner Enabler) and/or Self-Critical (Inner Critic) patterns and can swing from one extreme to the other subconsciously.

Our brain interprets harsh inner criticism (Inner Critic) the same way it does an external threat - triggering the fight-or-flight, stress response.
We get so used to using anxiety and self-criticism we end up oblivious to its toxic impact, chronic stress and low self-worth.

SELF-PERMISSIVE PATTERNS (Inner Enabler)
We need Self-Leadership over Self-Criticism, otherwise we inevitably get slammed into a fatigued, Self-Permissive state, resulting in procrastination, inner-struggles, self-medicating, self-sabotaging, weight gain, and even depression.

If all we know is Self-Criticism to kick ourselves out of this state, then you can see how the pendulum swings back and forth. Mindful Self-Compassion breaks the cycle.

"Self Compassion is the process of Inner Parenting ourselves by meeting our own needs and seeing ourselves as worthy."
Anna Papatheodorou, AMFT

OUR TWO POLARIZING FEARS
OUR INNER CRITICS ATTEMPT TO FLEE FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER

PSYCHE AND EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT SYSTEM ARE CONSTANTLY (24/7) ASSESSING OUR PLACE ON THIS SCALE

The more unaware (less Wise Mind), the more Inner Critic has control berating you away from one extreme or the other.
Also, the more unaware (less Wise Mind), the more we are maladaptively trying to avoid the two extremes through Fight / Flight / Fawn / Freeze Stress Reactions.

"With much encouragement and practice, the client gradually learns to reject her conditioning to self-abuse and self-abandonment. Her sense of healthy self-protection begins to emerge and over time grows into a fierce willingness to stop unfair criticism - internal or external."
Pete Walker, MA

INNER CRITIC VIDEOS

VIDEOS ABOUT SHAME

step 1

IDENTIFY CRITIC TYPE

Although our Inner Critics are unique to our own experiences, there are common ones, known as the Inner Critic Types (described below and in the video). Take the assessment to identify yours.

>> Inner Critic Type Quiz

step 2

INNER CRITIC AWARENESS

Unawareness is the main issue in of itself! Without awareness, Inner Critic has a way of taking over like a dictator. Left to it's own demise, it uses guilt, shame and fear to control you in many aspects of your life.

>> Building Awareness

step 3

GUIDE INNER CRITIC WITH CATCH

With C.A.T.C.H., you can catch Inner Critic's remarks and mentor your Inner Critic with Wise Mind - providing yourself with inspiration, wisdom, and balanced discipline (instead of self-berating).

>> C.A.T.C.H. Practice

step 4

OBSERVE CRITIC FOR DAY

Start to become more aware of your Inner Critical thoughts by observing your inner dialogue for an entire day. Note any all-or-nothing beliefs, berating thoughts, regrets, should's, shame, expectations and more.

>> Observing Inner Critic

PSYCHOEDUCATION HOME PAGE

My Approach

INNER CRITIC WORK (PARTS WORK)

OVERVIEW

“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.” Kristin Neff, PhD

INNER CRITIC'S PURPOSE

"The critical voices in our own heads are far more vicious than what we might hear from the outside. Our 'inside critics' have intimate knowledge of us and can zero in on our weakest spots." Susan Kennedy

INNER CRITIC WORK

We tend to believe Inner Critic, no matter how irrational and berating, because it's been a part of us for as long as we can remember, since about age seven.

SELF-LEADERSHIP OVER INNER CRITIC

SELF-CRITICISM LEADS TO CHRONIC STRESS

​"Your Inner Critic reaffirms untruths about yourself, that you have internalized to be true." Athena Laz

SELF-LEADERSHIP OVER INNER CRITIC

REBELLING AGAINST INNER CRITIC 'INNER ENABLER'

​"Inside critics are really just trying to protect you. You can: Learn to dialogue with them; Give them new jobs; Turn them into allies." Susan Kennedy

SELF-LEADERSHIP WITH SELF COMPASSION IS BALANCE BALANCE INNER CRITIC

"Self Compassion is the process of Inner Parenting ourselves by meeting our own needs and seeing ourselves as worthy." Anna Papatheodorou, AMFT

OUR TWO POLARIZING FEARS OUR INNER CRITICS ATTEMPT TO FLEE FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER

"With much encouragement and practice, the client gradually learns to reject her conditioning to self-abuse and self-abandonment. Her sense of healthy self-protection begins to emerge and over time grows into a fierce willingness to stop unfair criticism - internal or external." Pete Walker, MA

INNER CRITIC VIDEOS

VIDEOS ABOUT SHAME

PSYCHOEDUCATION HOME PAGE

INNER CRITIC WORK
(PARTS WORK)

“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.”
Kristin Neff, PhD

"The critical voices in our own heads are far more vicious than what we might hear from the outside. Our 'inside critics' have intimate knowledge of us and can zero in on our weakest spots."
Susan Kennedy

"Your Inner Critic reaffirms untruths about yourself, that you have internalized to be true."
Athena Laz

REBELLING AGAINST INNER CRITIC
'INNER ENABLER'

"Inside critics are really just trying to protect you. You can: Learn to dialogue with them; Give them new jobs; Turn them into allies."
Susan Kennedy

SELF-LEADERSHIP WITH SELF COMPASSION IS BALANCE
BALANCE INNER CRITIC

"Self Compassion is the process of Inner Parenting ourselves by meeting our own needs and seeing ourselves as worthy."
Anna Papatheodorou, AMFT

OUR TWO POLARIZING FEARS
OUR INNER CRITICS ATTEMPT TO FLEE FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER

"With much encouragement and practice, the client gradually learns to reject her conditioning to self-abuse and self-abandonment. Her sense of healthy self-protection begins to emerge and over time grows into a fierce willingness to stop unfair criticism - internal or external."
Pete Walker, MA