INNER CHILD
current emotions
memories
IMMEDIATE URGES
GENUINE FEELINGS
SPONTANEOUS
EVER-CHANGING like THE Weather
LIVING CONNECTED WITH INNER CHILD INSPIRES AND ALLOWS FOR:
EMOTIONAL HEALTH
SELF-AWARENESS
Passion & Purpose
Dreams & Goals
SELF-LOVE
Self-Compassion
Self-care
outer CHILd
Reactivity
Acts out EMOTIONS Inappropriately
IMPULSIVITY (BINGING AND ADDICTIONS)
DEFAULT STRESS-RESPONSES
(Fight-Flight-Freeze-Fawn)
DESTRUCTIVE patterns
Self-centered
Self-sabotaging
Rebellious & Indulgent
SPLITTING BEHAVIORS
ANGRY OUTBURSTS
Protesting Behaviors
Immediate Gratification
Fights Change
(sabotages new habits)
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wise mind
(adult self)
The key to Emotional Health and Self Leadership is to be in a state of intentional connection with our own emotions (Inner Child). This is also known as mindfulness. We also need Emotional Health Skills.
Instead of shaming, avoiding, or blaming others for our emotions, we need to take 100% Response-ABILITY for our emotions. Responsibility gives us the ABILITY to RESPOND rather than react.
This intention to connect with Inner Child (especially when triggered) is, in of itself, the power to engage our Wise Mind (higher thinking) so Outer Child won’t run amok in maladaptive behaviors, addictions and reactivity.
'Wise Mind' can send messages to the amygdala (Inner Child). However, it's a dial-up connection compared to the information superhighway that links the amygdala (Inner Child) with the part of your brain that carries out impulses (Outer Child).
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LACK OF SELF-LEADERSHIP
EXAMPLES
inner child
Feels overwhelmed and pressured with too much work or homework
inner child
Feels anxious at a social gathering
inner child
Feels heartache due to feeling ignored and devalued by partner
inner child
Feels angry and disrespected because friend is 20 minutes late
INNER CHILD
Feels nagging emptiness, loneliness, or boredom
INNER CHILD
Feels unworthy of promotion, fears asking boss even after years of proven success
inner child
Feels slightly jealous that her husband will leave for ‘prettier’ friend
outer child
Procrastinates, or gums up progress with indecision or perfectionism
outer child
Leaves or over-drinks to 'medicate' anxiety
OUTer child
Retreats (FLIGHT), reacts (FIGHT), or goes into placating overdrive (FAWN)
outer child
Scowls angrily at friend’s “excuse” and reacts by giving silent treatment
outer child
Eats 4 cupcakes & drinks 4 beers before falling asleep
outer child
Seethes for years. Finally sends angry email to boss complaining about not being recognized
outer child
Yells and demands constant reassurance that he will never leave her
INNER CHILD
Current emotions are powered by our history of emotional experiences, stemming from birth.
Most we’ve forgotten, yet they remain within our subconscious memory.
Memories condition our amygdala’s stimulus-response system.
The amygdala is always looking for a threat and it picks up subliminal triggers.
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Thus, if we're disconnected from our emotions (Inner Child), we will likely react automatically (Outer Child) before our higher thinking (WISE MIND) has a chance to consider a mature, self-caring, ideal course of action.
outer child
When we detect a threat (real or perceived); a fearful thought from our inner dialogue; or a subconscious belief, our amygdala triggers an urgent warning to activate an immediate response (Fight-or-Flight).
The amygdala's job is to act first, think later. Within 100 milliseconds, Outer Child can react to a trigger. “I felt jealous so I yelled at my husband in the middle of a restaurant - I couldn’t stop myself.”
Without mindfully connecting to Inner Child, Outer Child may irrationally react. Triggers are unique to us all, yet we share common triggers, such as perceived rejection, failure, feeling powerless, etc.
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build wise mind
practices and more
