Creating Your Balance | Arizona

STRESS-REACTION TYPES
FIGHT FLIGHT FREEZE FAWN

Identifying your 'stress-response' type (also known as 'reactivity type' or 'threat-response type') combined with the ability to be mindful of your thoughts, triggers, emotions and behaviors, is imperative for emotional and relational health.

"STRESS IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO US. IT'S OUR RESPONSE TO WHAT HAPPENS AND RESPONSE IS SOMETHING WE CAN CHOOSE."
Maureen Killoran

maladaptive protective strategies

STRESS-REACTION TYPES

Stress-response types, the 4F's (fight, flight, freeze and fawn) are primal defense mechanisms. We are all born with these defenses to help us survive. If we encounter a threat, like a snake, we are triggered within 100 milliseconds with the instinctive urge to 'flight' (run).

TODAY'S STRESS
Nowadays, our threats are more about bills, relationship distress, feeling a sense of value with our friends and loved ones, and a sense of purpose overall. Variances in childhood experiences, birth order, and our unique personalities impact the way we develop the 4F's.

ADVERSE EXPERIENCES
The more stress or 'adverse experiences' we go through in childhood and adulthood (including heartbreak, abuse, sickness, loss, confusion, childhood emotional neglect (very common) and inconsistent parenting) the more we had to 'adapt.'

We learn a lot from adapting to adverse experiences, yet it can result in over-reliance on one or more of the 4F's. In our daily lives and relationships, we can get triggered (nervous system activation) and end up subconsciously over-reacting with an over-developed Stress-Response Type or combination of Types.

"a current event can have only the vaguest resemblance to a past traumatic situation and this can be enough to trigger the psyche’s hard-wiring for a fight, flight, or freeze response."
Pete Walker, MA

Types

maladaptive protective strategies

MALADAPTIVE STRESS-REACTIONS

The first step is to gain awareness of your default Stress-Reaction Type(s) and the ways you automatically react to stress, painful emotions, triggers and relationship distress.

MALADAPTING TO STRESS AND TRIGGERS
Without awareness, we tend to react to or attempt to numb stressful feelings (especially the feeling of shame) - resulting in a slew of multi-layered, counterproductive, even polarizing, maladaptive protective behaviors, like people-pleasing, self-sabotaging, avoiding responsibilities, alcohol and food binging, obsessing and controlling, that result in shame and more stress.

Fight types tend to take quick 'action at.' Flight types attempt to 'escape' stress or emotions by over-thinking, obsessing, comparing, perfecting, etc. Freeze types tend to 'hide' or 'shut-down.' Fawn types tend to react with people-pleasing, placating, taking over-responsibility ('rescuing'), over-doing, or over-forgiving (without putting into place safety measures and protective boundaries).

Adaptive

mindful choices and behaviors

ADAPTIVE STRESS-RESPONSES

ADAPTIVE RESPONSES
With awareness, you can mindfully begin to choose Healthy Responses from all of the 4 F's, instead of mindlessly reacting. Take time to observe and process your triggers, thoughts and emotions instead of automatically reacting.

Choose and plan for Healthy Responses from all four types. There are situations we need to leave (Flight). Some situations require immediate self-defense (Fight). Other situations, like the workplace, demand us to healthily people-please (Fawn) and there are times we need to disengage or isolate for healing (Freeze).

Also, we typically need to spend extra time and focus building up the opposite of our default type. For example, if my default reaction tends to be Fawn, I will want to focus on building up more Adaptive Fight and vice versa. Same with Flight and Freeze.

"Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it in an adaptive way, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream."
Tony Fahkry

Long-term activation of the stress-response system and the overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones that follows can disrupt almost all your body's processes - increasing risk of many health problems.

fight, flight, freeze, fawn

THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

It doesn't “feel good” to be in fight-or-flight-or-fawn. The hyper-arousal of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) has a painful physiological, hormonal, and neurochemical impact.

CHRONIC NERVOUS SYSTEM ACTIVATION

Stuck in the 4F's maladaptive patterns sets you up for chronic activation of the 'fight-or-flight, sympathetic nervous system (SNS). The SNS functions like a gas pedal - accelerating fight-or-flight, resulting in anxiety , reactivity, rage, irritability, and outbursts. Stress hormones impair health drastically, causing inflammation, compromised immune function, and more. Fawn types volley between fight and flight, irritability and anxiety, with bouts of freeze (shame and depression).

Nervous System

DEPRESSION

When we feel powerless - as if we can't 'fight' back at, 'flight' away from, or 'fawn' out of emotions and stressors (especially relationship distress) - we may default to an exaggerated parasympathetic response (PSNS), FREEZE mode.

The PSNS acts like a brake, promoting "rest and digest." However, in chronic stress and chronic shame, SNS and PSNS are both activated - like driving with the brake and gas pedal on at the same time! This results in exhaustion, depression, feeling 'stuck,' insomnia, inflammation, health conditions and more.

Recognize your PRESENT emotions, senses, thoughts

GROUNDING exercises and breathing practices

CURIOSITY, interests, creativity, Openhearted Listening

MINDFUL SELF-COMPASSION practices

FOUR WAYS TO A CALMER NERVOUS SYSTEM

Awareness and choosing adaptive responses are integral to deactivating the SNS and enjoying more CALM. These are four fast action-oriented ways to allow for CALM.

"Take responsibility for your life — owning your problems liberates you from having to blame others for your pain. The problem is never ‘out there’ and once you appreciate this by connecting with your pain, power is gained knowing you create your life."
Tony Fahkry

MORE ABOUT STRESS TYPES

EMPOWERING AWARENESS AND TIPS

FIGHT TYPE

May perceive non-compliance as rejection and/or abandonment
Tries to 'fix' others with unsolicited criticism (power-struggles)
Angry outbursts and reactivity
May come off cold or prickly to prevent closeness, yet very sensitive
Critical of others (due to an enormous Inner Critic at play)
Silent treatment or contempt as punishment
Overly sensitive to feelings of powerlessness - reacts by automatically trying to get "power back" by controlling, ridiculing, or fighting
Shame-intolerant, struggles to own blame or responsibility (no one likes feeling shame, but Fight types are especially sensitive and defensive)
Subtle and blatant controlling behaviors

TIPS FOR FIGHT TYPES

Take self-initiated timeouts at the first sign of feeling triggered or angered
Take 100% responsibility for your hurt feelings (Emotional Health Skills)
Take 100% responsibility for your shame instead of projecting it on others
Take time to 'dig deep,' understand unmet needs, list exactly what you need in relationships, and clearly, calmly communicate your needs
Learn Healthy Stress-Responses, especially FAWN responses
Consider, ask questions, and be curious about loved-ones' feelings, needs, wants, limits, boundaries and rightful freedoms
Take time to empathize and take empowering responsibility (process through shame), apologize, and take corrective action to mend relationships - making the real love you crave possible

"Fight types avoid real intimacy by unconsciously alienating others with their angry and controlling demands for the unmet childhood need of unconditional love."
Pete Walker, MA

FLIGHT TYPE

Subconscious attempts to flee painful emotions by launching into obsessive/compulsive activity
Staying perpetually busy, workaholism
Driven by belief that perfection will make you safe and loveable
Self-berating and psychologically whipping (Inner Critic)
Tend to flip the most between the two poles of Inner and Outer Critic – and are typically the ones most caught up in ‘comparisons’ with others
Hyperactive continuum from driven "A" student to the ADHD dropout running amok
Prone to adrenaline-addiction - risky activities
Susceptible to stimulating substances and alcoholism
Frequently compares self with others
Anxiety, panic disorders and OCD

TIPS FOR FLIGHT TYPES

Leverage your 'power-through' badass to balance out your Drive System with a stronger Soothing System with consistent, daily Mindful Self-Compassion practices
Daily Oxytocin Boosters
Understand Toxic Shame and maladaptive attempts to flee it
Inner Critic Work to deconstruct self-berating and shame
Learn a 'gearbox' of modes, high-gear, slow-down, and idle
Grounding Exercises
Like all types, practice Emotional Health Skills
Incorporate Healthy Responses from ALL 4 Types
Mini-minute meditations, breath, count to 60
Self check-in moments, ask yourself "What is my most important priority right now?" "What hurt am I running from right now?" "What gear am I in?"

FREEZE TYPE

Both SNS and PSNS are activated - like driving with brake and accelerator on at the same time
May feel trapped, helpless, depressed
Fogginess, emptiness, tired, feeling "stuck"
Beliefs that people will expect too much from you (causes resentment)
Seems your starter button is stuck on "off"
Tends to "power-under," explain and defend (see power-struggles)
Dissociation due to Childhood Emotional Neglect and Self-Neglect
Often presents as ADD symptoms
Seeks refuge in sleep, daydreaming, and right brain-dominant activities like TV, video games, scrolling (these behaviors are healthy when balanced)
Identified with substance-use disorders, drawn to marijuana and narcotics
Harsh Inner Critic making you feel worthless and pointless

TIPS FOR FREEZE TYPES

Most difficult of the four types to resolve so be patient with yourself
Incorporate more Healthy Responses and Oxytocin
Requires understanding the trauma basis of your symptoms and preparing for Backdraft Emotions
Since you have a phobia of your own painful emotions, you'll need to develop three skills at the same time: Emotional Health Skills, Inner Critic Work, and Self-Compassion practices
Unpacking Shame can be especially healing
Realize your Values and live in alignment with them

"Fawn types avoid potential disappointment by hiding behind helpful personas, over-listening or overdoing - by giving service but never risking real self-exposure and the possibility of deeper level rejection."
Pete Walker, MA

FAWN TYPE

Tend to be the most self-critical of all four types
Uses compliance, niceness, people-pleasing in attempt to protect from others' disappointment or anger
Codependency and love addiction
Seek comfort by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others
Forfeits own needs, values, and boundaries
Tendency to quickly forgive and trust those proven to be untrustworthy
Rescues and takes over-responsibility for other people (see power-struggles)
Over-giving results in resentment, especially self-resentment, and passive aggressive behaviors

TIPS FOR FAWN TYPES

Build a sense of "Self" with Boundaries
Process guilt and anger, instead of buckling into Fawn reactions
Did I mention how important Boundaries are? :)
Recognize and renounce the compulsion that draws you to narcissistic or controller types who exploit you
Develop awareness of your needs and wants with Emotional Health Skills
Communicate your needs, wants, limits with your Unarguable Truth
Understand shame-based beliefs that make you compliant
Inner Critic Work to gain Self-Leadership
Mindful Self-Compassion to build Soothing System

"without self-compassion, clients rarely evolve any substantive self-care habits. Similarly, without reconnecting to the instinct of self-protection, clients rarely develop effective resistance to internal or external abuse."
Pete Walker, MA

from maladaptive reactions to

LEARNING MINDFUL RESPONSES

STRESS-REACTION TYPES FIGHT FLIGHT FREEZE FAWN

Identifying your 'stress-response' type (also known as 'reactivity type' or 'threat-response type') combined with the ability to be mindful of your thoughts, triggers, emotions and behaviors, is imperative for emotional and relational health.

"STRESS IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO US. IT'S OUR RESPONSE TO WHAT HAPPENS AND RESPONSE IS SOMETHING WE CAN CHOOSE." Maureen Killoran

Stress-response types, the 4F's (fight, flight, freeze and fawn) are primal defense mechanisms. We are all born with these defenses to help us survive. If we encounter a threat, like a snake, we are triggered within 100 milliseconds with the instinctive urge to 'flight' (run).

"a current event can have only the vaguest resemblance to a past traumatic situation and this can be enough to trigger the psyche’s hard-wiring for a fight, flight, or freeze response." Pete Walker, MA

The first step is to gain awareness of your default Stress-Reaction Type(s) and the ways you automatically react to stress, painful emotions, triggers and relationship distress.

"Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it in an adaptive way, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream." Tony Fahkry

Long-term activation of the stress-response system and the overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones that follows can disrupt almost all your body's processes - increasing risk of many health problems.

It doesn't “feel good” to be in fight-or-flight-or-fawn. The hyper-arousal of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) has a painful physiological, hormonal, and neurochemical impact.

​

​

Awareness and choosing adaptive responses are integral to deactivating the SNS and enjoying more CALM. These are four fast action-oriented ways to allow for CALM.

"Take responsibility for your life — owning your problems liberates you from having to blame others for your pain. The problem is never ‘out there’ and once you appreciate this by connecting with your pain, power is gained knowing you create your life." Tony Fahkry

​

MORE ABOUT STRESS TYPES

EMPOWERING AWARENESS AND TIPS

May perceive non-compliance as rejection and/or abandonment

Tries to 'fix' others with unsolicited criticism (power-struggles)

Angry outbursts and reactivity

​May come off cold or prickly to prevent closeness, yet very sensitive

Critical of others (due to an enormous Inner Critic at play)

Silent treatment or contempt as punishment

Overly sensitive to feelings of powerlessness - reacts by automatically trying to get "power back" by controlling, ridiculing, or fighting

Shame-intolerant, struggles to own blame or responsibility (no one likes feeling shame, but Fight types are especially sensitive and defensive)

Subtle and blatant controlling behaviors

"Fight types avoid real intimacy by unconsciously alienating others with their angry and controlling demands for the unmet childhood need of unconditional love." Pete Walker, MA

"Fawn types avoid potential disappointment by hiding behind helpful personas, over-listening or overdoing - by giving service but never risking real self-exposure and the possibility of deeper level rejection." Pete Walker, MA

"without self-compassion, clients rarely evolve any substantive self-care habits. Similarly, without reconnecting to the instinct of self-protection, clients rarely develop effective resistance to internal or external abuse." Pete Walker, MA